Wow. My last day and last interaction with M was genuinely worse than I could have imagined. It was so bad. I drove home absolutely sobbing and questioning what the fuck the past four years have been for. I’ve had toxic relationships before but this is hands down the most confusing and upsetting of all of them.
Even though I have no obligation to even keep up appearances any longer, I tried to make it better and ended up texting her. I just wanted to send her what I had actually planned to say today before things went sideways—I had thought about and rewritten it over and over since the weekend. And somehow it turned into a conversation that continued devolving and now I don’t know that we will speak to one another ever again. I explicitly pointed out a few things she definitely didn’t want pointed out and she deflected and turned everything around on me.
I really thought she was going to act like an adult. I knew there was a not insignificant chance she would be an asshole, but I was hoping so strongly that she would be kind and sentimental that I guess I was kidding myself.
